Frustration & Fear

Dean is soon going to be 3 years old, in 2 months.

And i am still a full time working (in the office mom). It sadden me that i have yet to be a WAHM, after 3 years. Call me chicken, it's easier that way.

Let's do some calculation :

Travelling time + office hours - 10 hours
Sleep                                      -    6 hours (sometimes less)

That leaves me with about 8 waking hours to spend with DH, DS & DD.

Minus praying time, eating time, berak, mandi, mengemas - i barely have time to actually play with DS & DD.

So what is left for DH? I am all exhausted and sometimes cranky and mad and sleepy. Pity DH.

Let's not start on 'me time'. I forgot what's 'me time' is really is.


To make it worst, Dean is acting up quite bad lately. I think he doesn't have that much time with me nowadays. So psychologically, it's affecting him, especially when he says that 'Dean mimpi ibu, Dean rindu ibu'. He cries unconsolable cries, usually making everybody around him stressful.

Only mothers know how heartbreaking that is when your not yet 3 years tell to your face. All the days working in the office does not compensate this. It's not worth it at all. It's not worth to work your ass off for few thousand but your heart is at home, is not happy, is not with your children.

Do i have a choice? Yes.